Midwest Safari

Internet,

I do not know what's up with my neighborhood recently, but it's being overrun by animals. Even though I live in the middle of a large urban area, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I live in some wild nature park reserve. Deer are always wandering around (at least until recently), but then there was that coyote a few weeks back, and now there's a rafter of turkeys wandering around my neighborhood. Early this morning the turkeys were definitely putting up a squawk outside my building. (Maybe they'd spotted the coyote?)

Who knows what will show up next?

xoxo,

L

The Saint in Saint Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer*

"And having put on the breastplate of righteousness" - Eph 6:14

I bind unto myself today

The strong Name of the Trinity

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me forever.

By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;

His baptism in the Jordan river;

His death on Cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spicèd tomb;

His riding up the heavenly way;

His coming at the day of doom;

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the cherubim;

The sweet "well done" in judgment hour,

The service of the seraphim,

Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,

The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun's life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, His shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or night,

In every place and in all hours,

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart's idolatry,

Against the wizard's evil craft,

Against the death wound and the burning,

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name

The strong Name of the Trinity;

By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,

Of Whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

I hope you have a Happy St. Patrick's Day, Internet! It's in the 70s today, so I've already rowed on real water this morning (!!!), ate breakfast on a patio (!!!), and have had to change into warm-weather clothing. It's ridiculous how happy I am - some sunny weather, a good workout + breakfast with friends. It's really the simple things.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!**

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

*Also known as "the preposition prayer," though it's possible I'm the only one who calls it this

**And yes, this good Finnish girl did say "Happy St. Urho Day!" yesterday, too

How to start a Monday off right:

1. Receive gifts of farm-fresh Iowa bacon from friends.

2. Read and tear off two Dilbert cartoons from your daily calendar (which you may do because you obviously did not go in to work over the weekend to tear of the weekend's cartoon, so you have to flip through the weekend and get to Monday - woohoo!).

3. On a more serious note: gratitude. Practicing gratefulness can definitely help a person start Monday out right, and it's amazing how that plays such a role in shaping one's attitude. I really am grateful - I have a great job that I love (most of the time), wonderful family and friends, a church where I belong and fit in and contribute, health, housing: I am very blessed. And remembering that has helped me make this Monday better than the last few.

How to start a day off right:

Watch a coyote cross the street a block from your home.

This might explain why you've seen fewer deer in the neighborhood in recent memory.

Just a Few Things to Make a Person Feel Old Today:

Bon Jovi is 50.

This morning I saw a circa 1979 VW Rabbit with collector plates.

Lou Reed is 70.

It's Leap Day.

Internet,

It's Leap Day. So kick up your heels or eat some frog legs. Enjoy it!

xoxo,

L

I'm-a gonna get me some culture.

Internet,

You're very useful. Through you, I bought opera tix today. For a SCHOOL NIGHT! Now, let's hope and pray like mad that I will be able to use my ticket: I would prefer not to end up sitting at work on the floor or in committee when the opera is going on a few short blocks away. In the words of a co-worker today (Hi, Ed K!), "Man plans. God laughs." But I hope that God is laughing with me in this case - all the way to the Ordway.

And apparently I've completely forgotten my own advice from the last couple of weeks (see more uplifting, funny, comedic things, and less dramatic, stab-out-your-own-eyeballs-depressing things): Lucia di Lammermoor. But it has music! So that makes all the difference in the world. People can say the saddest things ever, as long as it has beautiful music to accompany it. Right? (Says the girl who loves melancholy throughout her music and believes 90% of the best music comes in minor keys.)

Anyway, as long as we're on the subject of the theatrical performances, I'll mention that Cat on a Hot Tin Roof last weekend (or was it the weekend before? I can't remember...all of my days blur into one big work-fest) was good. It was a little difficult to watch in some ways - I'm already stressed out, and watching other people (fictitious though they may be) stress out isn't exactly relaxing. But it wasn't as bad as End of the Rainbow, either, in that I didn't wish for death by a thousand paper cuts, using the playbill as the weapon with which to find solace. So. In short, I really don't think any production can ever really overcome Liz Taylor and Paul Newman, but it was good. I think the best actor in the entire production (and made me forget the movie the most) is David Anthony Brinkley, playing the role of Big Daddy.

And as long as we're talking culture, we might as well throw in Masterpiece Theater. Last year, Internet, I got totally hooked on Downton Abbey. So you can imagine that it was with great anticipation that I watched the second season, finally finishing the last episodes over the weekend (pretty sure it was just this weekend). It's all over the top and completely British and a guilty-soap opera type-pleasure. And I love it, along with pretty much everyone else in America.

And now that I've moved onto stuff people watch on TV, well, the high brow has left the building, and if I keep going down the cultural rabbit trail, I'm going to be discussing live active yoghurt cultures soon. Let's not, shall we?

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

p.s. Lest you think I am too uppity for words with all of my opera, theater and other snobbish, dry television performances, does it make you feel better to know that I renewed my Reader's Digest subscription today, too? And that it's the only magazine to which I subscribe? Hmmm? Well, it should make you feel better about things. But I'll be perfectly honest: it's not like I'm going to sit at the opera and read RD whilst I await the performance to begin. Just sayin'.

Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.

Dear Internet,

Last weekend I went out to dinner at Masa. I rate it quite highly, to the point where it's now #2 on my list of favorites in Minneapolis. Why, you ask?

Well, first, because I ate beef tenderloin so addictively delicious that I'm positive the good people there feed some baby cows crack.* And then they take that beef and cook it to perfection and serve it smothered in deliciously melted chihuahua cheese. (And if that cheese was actually made from chihuahuas or chihuahua milk, I'm pretty sure they fed the chihuahuas crack, too. It's just that good.)

Second, because the meal was amazing from start to finish. I don't know about you, Internet, but I hate going to a restaurant and dining on a perfectly delightful first course or three, and then the dessert course bombs (and not like an actual bombe or bomb pop - a total dud is what I mean, and not like the milk dud kind, either). No, indeed. Masa does it right from the tortilla chips and guac to the pastel de tres leches.

_____

Hey, Internet! Wanna go to a play that rips away all the nice notions you had about Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? Then go see End of the Rainbow at the Guthrie like I did on Saturday! (And saw it right before I found out Whitney Houston had died...kinda weird...lotsa similarities...anyhoo.) Judy Garland: child star, adult addict. Brilliantly acted, horribly sad. (But at least it wasn't like Burial at Thebes earlier this season, which made me want to slit my own wrists - or someone else's wrists, like the playwright's, the director's and half of the actors'). Next up: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.** In future, Guthrie people, you may possibly want to sprinkle in more Charley's Aunt-type plays between the ones that make people feel stabby. Just a thought.

_____

I pulled a muscle in my back, Internet. Even as I type this I'm lying on a not-quite-ice-anymore pack. It was terribly exciting to even get the chance to work out on Monday evening, and then I tweaked a muscle. So between the phlegmy behavior and the decrepit gait to my walk and my inability to pick things up off the floor and my complaints about workload, I believe I have gotten a glimpse of what it will be like to be 64 years old: a perfect maelstrom of complaints. I will be old enough to blather on and on about my health problems and how it sucks to get old, but young enough to still whine about work.

Maybe you're realizing I'm having a dark moment or four, Internet. You'd be right. I can't get rid of this blasted cold I've had the past two weeks. It's driving me mad. I go around snorting all the time, hoping to clear my sinuses.*** That didn't work so well, so then I attempted to use the phlegmy-ness to get lobbyists to leave me alone at work. It's done nothing of the sort because rather than recoiling in horror as they ought (and then properly excusing themselves from ever speaking to me again), everyone just gives me strange looks or sympathetic sighs and keeps right on talking.

_____

But seriously, though. There have been some really great moments lately, too. Last Sunday's was a really excellent sermon at church. A kind soul has provided me with a foam roller for my back. I have a really great streak of Scrabble wins going. It's my mom's birthday on Saturday, and we're celebrating. I have been eating animal crackers with a jar of chocolate frosting all week. See? All positives.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

*I do not actually condone feeding baby cows crack. Well, maybe cracked corn. Or better still cracked olives! Mmmm. Cracked olives. I would eat cracked-olive-fed baby cows, preferably garnished by more cracked olives. But I don't care about those little yippy chihuahua dogs - feed them all the crack you want.

**After all of that talk about milk duds earlier, now the very thought of Big Daddy makes me want to eat a Sugar Daddy. Or Sugar Babies. Or pretty much any kind of caramel-y goodness. But now all I can think about are Sugar Babies, because they supposedly have bacon extract in them, and we are all extremely well acquainted with my bacobsession. But preferably this bacon didn't come from that pig that smoked cigarettes for that PSA.

***Hey, YOU! You with the evil mind, who read "snorting" and started thinking "I know what's dark: SHE'S on crack!" To you and your jumpy conclusions, I take offense. I do not do crack or cracked anything besides some cracked olives. No crack, no plumber's crack, no cracked mirrors, no cracked sidewalks. And no, I'm not superstitious, either. Cracked mirrors just make my eyes and brain hurt and I don't want to go all cross-eyed. And we've established that my back hurts, so I don't need to be tripping on any cracks in sidewalks and falling down, making it all that. much. worse.

Wherein Minny LinnEy talks about minutiae that's possibly not worth reading, and shares a joke that's really not worth repeating. *

Internet,

Sorry I've been so reticent lately. I've been a tad busy. But please know that I miss you: I love the carefree feeling I get when I have spare time to wander to and fro throughout Internetland. Okay, maybe I just miss free time.

_____

Do you know that stage of a cold, the one at the end when you're so close to being done with it but your sinuses won't quite cooperate and you whistle through your nose just by breathing? Yeah, that stage. I'm there.

I also seem to have a fondness for choosing cold remedies that involve fizzing water. Is it that I like inhaling half the liquid through my nose as I try to drink it? Not really sure. But I stocked up on Airborne and Alka Seltzer cold medicine and all sorts of other remedies, none of which have worked, yet all of which I am still taking. Maybe I should just drink some club soda or 7Up: I'd get the same fizzy experience with far less expense.

_____

Today was a rough day. I mean, I've had a lot of challenges recently, but this day was especially difficult. How do I measure this? Here's how: I wore clothing that progressively disintegrated throughout the day. All of a sudden my sock sprang a hole, and shortly later so did the left knee of my work trousers. Good thing the work day is over, 'cause otherwise things would be getting pretty dire if the trend continued.

_____

I did manage to workout this evening, which is good, and vented a lot of frustration at a machine I don't particularly care for (the erg - if the exercise itself is frustrating, does that mean I only worked off that workout frustration, and the rest of my stress and frustration from all of the other parts of my life are just being stored up?) for a full 60. Minutes, that is. Though I did contemplate doing 60 seconds and calling it good. But I persevered so I can eat whatever I want for dinner. Yes, Internet, in case you hadn't realized this by now, that's the main reason I exercise: food.

_____

I would be completely remiss in my civic duties if I don't mention anything political, Internet. So, in honor of Santorum's win here in the Minnesota precinct caucuses last night, I leave you with this (courtesy of co-worker L, who has been gleefully sharing this joke for months now, and it's completely ingrained in my head):

Q: Why does Rick Santorum wear sweater vests?

A: Because he believes in the right to bear arms.

_____

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

*And she rhymes! And also speaks of herself in the 3rd person.

I'm sorry, but your pants have leprosy.

Internet,

I love polka dots. I really do. I own many items of clothing that have polka dots on them. In a nod to all little girls' childhoods everywhere, I own tights with polka dots (and appropriately call them my "leprosy tights"...which raises an interesting fact: I have names for my tights...but I digress). My coffee cup at work is red with white polka dots. I even own a package of polka-dotted drink umbrellas that I will likely never use because I don't really do any kind of beverage that requires umbrellas (but was compelled to purchase them because they HAVE POLKA DOTS ON THEM!!!).

But jeans? No. This is awful. And madness. Awful madness:

I'm sorry, but these pants are leprosy. Or something equally dire. Indeed, these jeans may be life threatening (I fear for your physical life if you wear them, let alone your social life). Be forewarned: I prefer you not to be beaten up for this atrocity.

~Minny LinnEy

"Happy" is not quite the thing.

Internet,

There are several holidays each year that stymie me. Don't get me wrong - I understand their purpose. I guess I should say it's the greeting that stymies me.

It always seems wrong to say "Happy" before certain holidays. "Happy Veterans Day!" (with or without the exclamation point?) comes to mind. I understand its purpose - remember our veterans, thank them for their service to our country, and pray we can continue to enjoy the freedoms that we so often take for granted. But "Happy"?

Similarly, though I do hope everyone who gets the day off today enjoys not being at work, I don't think that "Happy MLK Day!" really fits the bill, either. I hope we all remember who Martin Luther King, Jr., was and what he did for this country, and pray we have a better future ahead of us with less racism and more belief in our common bond as human beings - to me, we are all humans created equally in God's image. But "Happy"?

I'm not really sure that fits. In both cases (and some others, too - Memorial Day, for example), I am very happy to have freedom, and happy that others have stood up for their beliefs, and happy I live in this great country, but it also seems somewhat somber as something that should be a day of remembrance for people's sacrifices, and acknowledgement that there is still strife and sin in the world, and reflection on ways each of us can change for the better.

Whatever the word (whether it be noun or verb) - happy, remember, honor, memorialize, hopeful - I pray it is a day of thoughtful reflection for you in the same way it has been for me this weekend.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

I must inform you that Alma is NOT Charley's Aunt, but both are quite nice.

Hello, Internet.

It's a new year, yet I seem to be doing some of the same old stuff - going to the theater, visiting a new restaurant...some things will never change (I hope!). And yet some things are new right now, and my life has been a tad on the stressed side. So it was with great pleasure I had some time yesterday to pursue something at a more leisurely pace and cast away my cares for a few short hours.

If you haven't yet seen Charley's Aunt at the Guthrie, you should. Probably the best play I've seen there in the past year, and it was complete comedic relief I found most enjoyable. I've decided we really must incorporate the term "boiled owl" into common usage in this country. It is so much more hilariously genteel than calling a person an idiot. It is hereby my goal to turn "boiled owlism" into a synonym for "idiocy." You may help me purvey this desire to the world, Internet.

And coupled with that comedic play was a dinner out with friends at Restaurant Alma. I thoroughly enjoyed the beets, the squash ravioli, the spiked chocolate cake, all of it right down to the bite-sized vanilla mint meringue as we parted the place. So much deliciousness. And yet, I believe I still prefer Sanctuary, so if you are interested in spending a small fortune to dine on most excellent cuisine in the near future, keep that in mind.

And now, back to the real world. Wish me well, please, Internet.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy