There's laziness. And then there's Forever Lazy.

Internet,

I will admit to you that I have often wondered why they don't make adult-sized footie pajamas. Wouldn't that warm fleece be delightful on a cold winter's night? And it would all be one piece, so my inherently lazy side could be indulged by being able to put on fewer items of clothing. And my childhood memories of footie pajamas are so delightfully nostalgic. I kept thinking I could really get into that.

But, oh, let me tell you: my opinion has changed. I have come to realize that there is a level to which no human being should go. Over the weekend, during a late-night viewing of something-or-other that was on TV, I saw this commercial advertising "Forever Lazy."

Here, watch it for yourself to get a firmer grasp on that to which I refer:

At first, I was intrigued. Were these the fabled adult footie pajamas? Wait, no. There is no footie part to this costume. And then it became weird in a way that reminded me of the pink bunny suit from A Christmas Story:

These people [speaking of the commercial's actors...I wonder how much they got paid to do this ad? I'd hope a lot, because they will be made fun of by their families and friends for The Rest Of Their Lives...and if they ever make it big in Hollywood, this ad will come out during one of those "Before You Knew Them" segments on some late-night talk show] were wearing them at all hours of the day and night, as if they were real clothes. With witnesses! It was as if these people were voluntarily inviting Flick himself into their homes to view them in bunny suits! Even I - lazy me - began to feel uncomfortable with the idea that these contraptions have gone beyond sweat pants into the northern, cold region version of the muumuu.

And then, somehow, it got even more bizarre as the creators of this product imagine real human beings will take their Forever Laz[ies] into the great outdoors. As I was listening to their claim that they will be "the talk of your next tailgate," I was thinking, "Why, yes! They WILL be the talk of your next tailgate [party]...because everyone who sees you wearing this thing will be talking about what an idiot you are!"

And then the icing on the cake was the, ahem, "tailgate," aka, the zippered hatch. No worries about having to use the stadium pal or other similar infomercial product with this thing! (Unless you really wanted to, of course. But my mind will explode with the mental idea that anyone could stoop to such levels of sloth, so I refuse to go there.)

I believe my nostalgic ideas of footie PJs should remain fond childhood memories. Because this? Is way worse than the snuggie. This *is* the slippery slope, Internet. I feel like putting on a suit (complete with pantyhose) just to make myself feel less slothful for having watched or contemplated this.

~Minny LinnEy

Playing [This Old] House

Internet,

My cousin and his wife bought a house. And then they gutted it. And now they're putting it back together. Only better, nicer, stronger, cleaner and less ugly. And while they've been doing it, my dad has been getting to play at contractor in his retirement.

Quite the stylish look you've got going there, Dad; the aunt and I had to do a fashion shoot to get photographic evidence of it

And I got a bit jealous. So, I went up there, too, and have now experienced a couple of days of playing at This Old House.

I love This Old House. I adore everything about it, to the point where I wish Tom was really some long-lost uncle of mine, Kevin was my neighbor, Roger owned the nursery and garden center up the street, and Richard himself would teach me to solder a few pipes or something. [I love how most of them - according to their bios - are still renovating their own houses. I wonder if it's like the cobbler's children going shoeless...Also, a large number of them are married to women named "Kathleen" and they all like boats or sailing - must be pre-req's to be on the show, I guess.]

So, anyway, you can imagine my joy at being given the chance to

• Destroy stuff with a Sawzall,
• Play with the most awesome toy of all: the magnetic sweeper (ok, maybe the Sawzall beats the magnet, but not by much)
• Learn that my cousin's wife and I - though completely inexperienced - stain rafters faster and more color-matched than my father and aunt (I'm sure it was just a fluke, Dad; you're definitely the woodworker, not me!),
• Pry nails out of ceiling lath without a ladder (with a crowbar and my height, it worked like a charm),
• Get in on the spray-foam insulation action (though cousin Mark had to do most of the heavy lifting on that one), and
• Wear a gas mask (everyone's doing it).

Quite the trend, I should say - such a statement they make

Although I still have not yet realized my dream of doing some pipe soldering (yes, really: learning to solder is on my bucket list...but considering it's kind of the only thing on my bucket list at the moment, I either need to *not* do it so I won't die soon, or add more items to my bucket list), I did get to experience a couple of This Old House dream days. As Mark puts it, this will be practice for when I do it myself. Ha! As if.

xoxo, Internet!

~Minny LinnEy

Curling: Yoga on the Rocks

Curling: it's harder than it looks, Internet. Let me tell you of its agonies and ecstasies.

First of all, let me explain that everything I know about curling comes from (in order) 1) the Simpsons, b) friends Amanda & Joel, and iii) watching it every four years during the Olympics.

I've heard it's terribly fun (see reason b above), so last month, a few friends and I decided to check out this curling thing. One friend bowed out, the one on the right in the picture above was jet-lagged (having just returned from Europe the day before), and then there are the two of us on the left (both six feet tall, with centers of gravity not all that close to earth...or so it felt on this particular evening).

We showed up for our three hour clinic, and as we did, I kept wondering how on earth this could take a full three hours. Let me tell you, Internet, the time flew. And furthermore? If they'd given us a quiz on all of the stuff they taught us in one short evening? I'd have failed. (I mean, look at wikipedia's glossary of terms, alone! See what I mean?)

First up: sweeping. That was probably the best it was ever going to get for me. Just like Marge Simpson, this was my shining moment (and possibly a lot of other people's best moments, also). We rocked that sweeping like nobody's business. (Never mind there weren't any actual rocks on the ice at this point. We just swept the ice and tried not to trip over our own - or anyone else's - feet.)

Second up: lunging. Before they even gave us any rocks to play with, they wanted us to begin working on our pose. Now, I can do a lunge on a regular surface in real life. I could even do one on the ice while we were just standing there watching the demonstration. But see, the thing you don't see on the 'lympics is that they have these special shoes. One of them is extremely slippery on the bottom. So to make up for the fact that none of us had these special shoes, our instructors then gave us these shoe-shaped pieces of plastic they call "sliders." They do exactly what you'd think: they make you slide. A lot. So imagine attempting to do a lunge or some sort of yoga warrior pose, on ice, as you push yourself off what they call a "hack" (similar to the push-off device you see in track events).

The whole point of practicing the lunge without the rock is that you are supposed to be able to completely balance yourself and get the motion down without the rock - because you don't want to put any of your weight on the rock. That's bad. You only want to use the tips of your fingers on the rock's handle, and then you want the motion you use to send it to be nice and fluid. So, no rocks at first. You step on your slider, put the broom on the ice with its handle shoved up in your armpit (to help you balance yourself), and then push off the hack, keeping your butt down as you lunge, holding your position until you come to a gentle stop before the line (imagining all the while that you've actually had a rock and knew what to do with it at the right time).

Essentially, I took this to mean that you are to push off in what you think might be something resembling a lunge, and then pray that you don't fall over. I didn't fall completely over at this point (as some did), but I couldn't seem to keep my right leg extended behind me. I dropped that right knee into the ice so hard and so often, I ended up with some major bruising on it (that finally went away a month later).

But let me tell you about one awesome thing (the biggest ecstasy, I suppose you could say) about curling! If you fall over, you're already icing your future bruises! So just stay there an extra few seconds (or minutes) and enjoy the nice, cold feeling that will help alleviate the swelling and discoloration.

Third up: the rock. So at this point - after lunging all over the place - they finally gave us rocks to throw. Again, the goal is to not put any of your weight on the rock, and you want to deliver it just right - spinning in the right direction, moving at the right speed, aiming for the correct spot. This is the point where, after I threw one passable rock, I then promptly started sacrificing my body to send better-delivered rocks. This meant more bruising, and much more falling all over the place. Plus, every time I lunged, I somehow managed to, halfway through my delivery, lose the slider, and it would go shooting three sheets over into another game (sorry!). I was getting marginally better with my aim and distance, but horribly worse with my lunging technique.

Anyway, we got to play a few ends, and before I knew it, our three hours was up. I would love to go back and play more, but you pretty much have to join up with a league, and a three-month commitment is a bit more than I can handle right now. But maybe someday...I mean, you have to know that (just like the Simpsons), this is my last shot at the Olympics! (um, never mind that our instructor - who competes on the world circuit - has been doing this since she was 12. There may still be hope for me yet! or not.)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Thankfulness

Internet,

I am grateful that I live where I can freely worship God. I am thankful I have a family who loves me and will always be there for me - and who I love and can support in return. I am grateful to have good friends - they are the family a person chooses (and they've chosen me back). I always have plenty to eat and drink, and God has always provided for me. I am thankful to have good health, a place to live, and a job that I love (yes, it's true: I do love my job). I am happy to have enough free time to pursue my interests, explore new things, experience plenty of adventure and travel to new places. I am thankful for all of these things and more...but today I also remind myself to be grateful more often and complain a lot less throughout the entire year.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Oh, my word! Thanksgiving is SAVED!!!

OK, Thanksgiving doesn't really need saving. But it could be made So. Much. Better. by this: here.

Can't you just imagine it now? You could serve Turducken, and then follow it up by this truly amazing dessert: a cherry pie, an apple pie and a pumpkin pie, each cooked inside a separate cake, and then baked all together inside one really big cake. (Although I think you should come up with a different name. Chances are you will have pimples after eating all of that, but do you have to make the dessert *sound* like one? No, no you do not.)

I hope you are all stretching your stomachs *right* *now* in preparation for tomorrow's feast, whatever the feast may be. (Except don't touch the stuffing. I like mine just the way my mom has prepared it for decades...do not mess with my stuffing! It is one of those things I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving - a plenteous bounty of stuffing, with enough for leftovers...and I'm actually pretty thankful for her, too...)

Hey, maybe we could Turducken or Cherpumple the side dishes...not sure what would fit where, but I'm pretty sure some creative people out there could stuff green beans and corn into a gourd or something, and then shove that into a cornucopia of something else...or stuff mushrooms with cranberries...that last one doesn't sound half bad!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

[And thnx to Kentwig for the link.]

Autumnal Ramblings: The Foliage

Internet,

I am a big fan of fall colors. If you'll remember, I took a trip to New England a couple of years ago mainly because of foliage! (Well, and to see my cousin and eat a lot of food and see some new places. But the autumn colors were a big part of it!) This year we had some brilliant ones - and I am not just talking about the brilliant scarlet ones. The fall drought led to most excellent yellows and oranges and browns - yes, even brown leaves looked better to me this year.

On Halloween, I didn't involve myself with parties or trick-or-treating or anything like that. What did I do, you ask? Well, besides "dressing up" at work as an overworked legislative staffer (or, alternately, disgruntled gov't employee - take your pick! ha!), I took a little walk outside to snap a few pictures of the brilliant maple trees & gorgeous sunset happening in my neighborhood. Here is a sampling of them:

Could not have been lovelier, that sunset and those colors. If only they had stayed even longer! But alas, the world turned white since then, and now it's back to brown (i.e., the snow melted; I'm okay with that).

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Autumnal Ramblings: Did you know Indiana Jones plays the tuba? Neither did I...

Internet,

Remember that tuba concerto I mentioned a while back? Well, our orchestra played it over Halloween weekend, and let me tell you, that children's Spooktacular series got really exciting. Why? Because a) Indiana Jones plays the tuba, and b) we looked like this:

The first violins had the best costumes, if I do say so myself

Besides some of the higher brow stuff, we also played the theme music to Pirates of the Caribbean, so you know I had to bring back my pirate costume from a few years ago. (As did several other orchestra members!)

Former stand-partners-in-crime: B always has the best costumes, and I can never keep my eyes open (though it's probably fitting with the pirate theme)

Next up: the Messiah and a few more Christmas concerts in December.

Autumnal Ramblings: Applicious

Internet,

This fall, not only have I baked apples, made apple crisps (yes, plural), eaten apple butter (almost a whole jar of it myself) and drunk gallons of hot apple cider (the real stuff - the kind made with an apple press, and not that awful "cider" that's more sugary "juice" than anything real), I actually went to an orchard and picked some with my cousin.

Cousin R very appropriately wore red so she matched the apples in all of the pictures:

I, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to leave the outhouse:

It was a delightful day. I'd forgotten how much fun apple picking can be (and how quickly those pecks get really heavy!). The only problem this year was I ran out of apples before I got around to making an apple pie! Oh, well.

Autumnal Ramblings: Putting the scare into fall

Internet,

Where to begin? I have been holding on to fall with my cold fingers (literally! It's getting cold out, and I have pretty much refused to wear warmer clothing because I'm in denial), and really don't want this beautiful autumn to end. So, I've been out and about attempting to enjoy everything I possibly can a) before session starts and I have no life, and b) while it's still relatively warm out and there's not much snow yet.

Anyway, since it's Thanksgiving week, I figure it's about time to get all things fall up on the ol' blog. Friday, all bets are off as the official Christmas season begins.

So here it is: the first installment. Throughout the month of October, I had the opportunity to see a great many scarecrows. Here is a sampling of them. Needless to say, I was greatly amused by people's creativity and selections. I mean, really: why on earth did these people choose their subjects? Pure entertainment, I tell you, and quite a lot of them spot on.

The Hulk:

Julia Child:

The governor:

Prince Chiming (wind chimes for hands? Terribly creative):

Basket Cases:

Is this flora? Or fauna? Flora as fauna? Does an owl even count as fauna? Not sure:

Humpty Dumpty (my favorite):

And this poor little guy, just trying to learn his job:

Complete with crows watching him:

And this last one - so easy, maybe even I could do this one without messing it up too badly:

Until next fall, good bye scary creations!

Turkey Day Alternative

It's being presented as a Thanksgiving Day alternative, but I would eat this any day of the year: here.

Update: maybe they will sell the above product in this vending machine.