Your Idea of the Future is Bleak, Mr. Hitchings.

No offense, Mr. Hitchings, but I sincerely hope you're wrong. Here.

Or should I say No offense Mr Hitching's but I sincerely hope your wrong no well you asked for it

You say that, "The apostrophe is mainly a device for the eye, not the ear," but do you fail to realize that occasionally people read aloud? Or that it is, yes, possible to infer the writer's intention - but takes so much extra time for the brain to process? It is downright faster and more easily comprehensible to read something when it has been properly punctuated. And it thus makes me sad to read (or in my mind, hear) you write (say), "I am confident that [apostrophes] will either disappear or be reduced to little baubles of orthographic bling." No, Mr. Hitchings, I do not accept that (nor did your article and statements therein make me excited to read your forthcoming book, either).

If "you're" becomes "youre," why bother having the two different homonyms in the first place? "Your" and "you're" will quickly lead to the destruction of "their," "they're" and "there." And so on and so forth. And really: I'd rather not call people places (similar to why I'd rather not call chairmen inanimate objects). People are people, and things are things. Let's call them like they really are.

And while I'm at it...

"Idioms": Fishes, Suicidal Clams & Grasshopping

A German guy attempts (quite hilariously) to understand or just explain American idioms, games and the like.

"I already have the fish before I put in the barrel ... in my big bag of plastic ... that you have just made shoot of."

"Twitter-tweets" and "Seasonal a-ffect disorder, only the season is every day."

On "Insecting": "That is not a spider," it's a "Q-Tip" with "some sticks."

"Logik," "You are now origami swan," and a little TNT.

(The whole TNT part actually makes a lot of sense...the scissors can beat the dynamite by cutting off the lit fuse. I think this is the only version I will ever play again.)

Moral of the story? I think this Flula guy needs to get more sleep. Don't the Germans have idioms?

Another moment of "Huh?"

Internet,

Did you know that there is such a thing as a tuba concerto?! I didn't. Well, at least I didn't before our orchestra started rehearsing it...because we're playing it...during a Halloween Spooktacular concert series. Somehow it sounds more like an April Fools' joke or something Garrison Keillor would've thought up than something scary or ominous: Ralph Vaughan Williams wrote a tuba concerto. 'Cause of course, that's the first person who comes to mind when I think "tuba concerto."

But actually, it's grown on me quite a lot. Upon watching the clips below for the first time, I kept thinking "I don't have the hair to play the tuba." Also, "That tuba looks really heavy." My arms are too puny to play that instrument.

The first movement makes me glad I play the violin. The second movement sounds the most like Vaughan Williams to me (though all of the movements have his fingerprints on them), and I think I like it the most. The third movement sounds the most like a movie score to me. Also, the third movement is pretty fast, and I'm again glad I don't play the tuba. (Although the violin part is also fast and full of accidentals, so maybe I'm not glad I play the violin? And would just rather listen to the piece instead of playing it in any capacity.) Anyway, it's all kind of entertaining. I can't wait to actually perform the piece with our soloist.

To help you believe that it really does exist (yes, Virginia, like Santa Claus and those cute M&Ms), you can check it all out right here for your listening enjoyment, courtesy of them thar' youtubes and some pretty nifty musicians:

The Gaffigan Family Tree

Internet,

I went to see Jim Gaffigan on Friday evening with some excellent friendlies. As was expected, I laughed a lot. Now, as you will probably realize, I spend a lot of my time a) eating, b) exercising, and c) noting the hilarity that is regular life, so maybe I got a lot more out of his set than others might because it included making fun of a) eating, particularly at McD's, Domino's and Subway (and the mandatory Hot Pockets encore), b) gyms and working out, and c) expositing the hilarity that is regular life.

More thoughts on the aforementioned a), b) and c):

a) Did the Domino's ad buyers KNOW that Jim Gaffigan was going to be at the State Theater & would make fun of Domino's (and its customers), and then decide purposely to purchase that ad buy for the electronic billboard across the street as the show let out? 'Cause if so, that was genius. And the hilarity (and ab workout!) continued as we left the theater.

b) I kind of consider the whole evening an abdominal muscle workout, so I think that totally counts, right? (It's good that you agree with me, Internet, because I didn't work out the rest of the weekend.)

c) So after the show, I was leafing through the flyer that the Minnesota Orchestra sent me. And what should I have seen, you ask? Oh, that's right! James Gaffigan will be conducting a February concert series of Mussorgsky, Prokofiev and Tchaikovsky. I am almost tempted to purchase tix just to see if it's the alter ego of the comedian. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?! Combining one of my loves (music) with one of my pastimes (laughing). I could SO enjoy that.

(It's not the same guy. *sigh* Here's to dashed hopes. However, if you check out the picture of the classical conductor James Gaffigan, you probably will be much less disappointed. Also, that's a great program, so maybe I'll get tickets anyway.)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Scandahoovians and Cooking

Internet,

If a person were to watch New Scandinavian Cooking with [insert name here], that person might get a few impressions. The first of which would be that there are absolutely no indoor kitchens in all of Scandinavia. And that Scandinavian cooks' entire list of main ingredients consists of white fish, dill or fennel, "the olive oil of the north" (i.e., heavy cream), and lingonberries.

I have to admit to being highly entertained by this PBS offering. I mean, where else in one short episode can you see a Norwegian guy 1) use an axe to cut dense, possibly too-nutritious bread (I mean, really? An axe? That might be a sign that it's too "healthy"), 2) milk a cow directly into a blender (apparently they don't have milk pails in Scandinavia, to go with their lack of indoor food prep space) in order to make a really fresh milk shake, and 3) pick whatever green thing that happens to be growing in the ground directly next to him at any given time to use as seasoning?

I would postulate that no where else could you possibly get all of this jam-packed into 27 stilted, unscripted minutes. And it is delightful. And I say this even though I don't think I'd particularly care to eat some of what they make. (I was, though, intrigued by what the Norwegian guy kept calling "caramel cheese." Must try this, whatever it is, exactly!) It's just that entertaining. Check it out, Internet.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

2011 HotMiss

Internet,

I am not referring to hot cocoa when I say "HotMiss." I'm referring to the Head of the Mississippi, and rather than cold and/or rainy and/or windy as it has frequently been in past years, today was perfect: calm water (only a hint of a tailwind on the course), mid-70s for high temps this afternoon, sun. Gorgeous. And no need for hot cocoa at all.

4+ Boatmates before our race this morning: AR, KK, KG and SW

Anyway, I rowed my last officially sanctioned race of the season today at the HotMiss. Anything else from here on out is for funsies. I rowed only one race at the regatta today, and it was a doozy: a 4+ in the open women's category, and it was extremely fun. Here's why:

1. We had an amazing coxswain (the one who sat in the bow, steered a rock solid course, talked us through the race, and got us to give our best as a boat together). Without this first one, I don't think the other reasons listed below would've been as good (or seriously, they might not even have happened without KK, our awesome coxswain).

2. We were set (balanced, for you non-rowing types who are actually reading this).

3. We had run (the boat was moving more forward than not). The goal was to "pass our puddles" (get a boat length of distance out of each set of strokes), and we were doing that.

4. We were racing at a 26 (26 strokes per minute - that's kinda slow in some people's minds)!!! But we had such good rhythm, were so solid and strong, and were making up so much ground on other boats in our race at that rating, we stayed there.

5. And we won our event by over one minute.

(Our prize = a hat)

But most importantly:

6. We had fun. The whole point of this race (at least for me) was to go out on the water and have a good time. And we did that. It was such a great feeling to really row well with teammates who've been through the thick and the thin all summer with me, and come out on top together - and I think I can safely say that all of us in our 4+ had a blast.

JK and SW enjoying some sun after our race.

This is the other KK (not in our boat, unfortunately), and after her two races, she kept laying down everywhere we went. The ground, the back seat of my car, everywhere.

(That almost looks like a cane next to her hand. It's not. It's a bike handle.)

The day wasn't completely without event. Teammate MH hurt her shoulder and needed some TLC. In these pictures she's a) trying to stay warm with all of that ice in her hand and saran-wrapped to her shoulder under that shirt; and b) testing out Halloween costumes (hunchback of Notre Dame?). I hope MH is back to normal soon.

So, that is it, Internet. A great day.

(Only now I have to go to orchestra rehearsal tonight. Wish me luck!)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy