Wherein Minny LinnEy talks about minutiae that's possibly not worth reading, and shares a joke that's really not worth repeating. *

Internet,

Sorry I've been so reticent lately. I've been a tad busy. But please know that I miss you: I love the carefree feeling I get when I have spare time to wander to and fro throughout Internetland. Okay, maybe I just miss free time.

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Do you know that stage of a cold, the one at the end when you're so close to being done with it but your sinuses won't quite cooperate and you whistle through your nose just by breathing? Yeah, that stage. I'm there.

I also seem to have a fondness for choosing cold remedies that involve fizzing water. Is it that I like inhaling half the liquid through my nose as I try to drink it? Not really sure. But I stocked up on Airborne and Alka Seltzer cold medicine and all sorts of other remedies, none of which have worked, yet all of which I am still taking. Maybe I should just drink some club soda or 7Up: I'd get the same fizzy experience with far less expense.

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Today was a rough day. I mean, I've had a lot of challenges recently, but this day was especially difficult. How do I measure this? Here's how: I wore clothing that progressively disintegrated throughout the day. All of a sudden my sock sprang a hole, and shortly later so did the left knee of my work trousers. Good thing the work day is over, 'cause otherwise things would be getting pretty dire if the trend continued.

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I did manage to workout this evening, which is good, and vented a lot of frustration at a machine I don't particularly care for (the erg - if the exercise itself is frustrating, does that mean I only worked off that workout frustration, and the rest of my stress and frustration from all of the other parts of my life are just being stored up?) for a full 60. Minutes, that is. Though I did contemplate doing 60 seconds and calling it good. But I persevered so I can eat whatever I want for dinner. Yes, Internet, in case you hadn't realized this by now, that's the main reason I exercise: food.

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I would be completely remiss in my civic duties if I don't mention anything political, Internet. So, in honor of Santorum's win here in the Minnesota precinct caucuses last night, I leave you with this (courtesy of co-worker L, who has been gleefully sharing this joke for months now, and it's completely ingrained in my head):

Q: Why does Rick Santorum wear sweater vests?

A: Because he believes in the right to bear arms.

_____

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

*And she rhymes! And also speaks of herself in the 3rd person.

I'm sorry, but your pants have leprosy.

Internet,

I love polka dots. I really do. I own many items of clothing that have polka dots on them. In a nod to all little girls' childhoods everywhere, I own tights with polka dots (and appropriately call them my "leprosy tights"...which raises an interesting fact: I have names for my tights...but I digress). My coffee cup at work is red with white polka dots. I even own a package of polka-dotted drink umbrellas that I will likely never use because I don't really do any kind of beverage that requires umbrellas (but was compelled to purchase them because they HAVE POLKA DOTS ON THEM!!!).

But jeans? No. This is awful. And madness. Awful madness:

I'm sorry, but these pants are leprosy. Or something equally dire. Indeed, these jeans may be life threatening (I fear for your physical life if you wear them, let alone your social life). Be forewarned: I prefer you not to be beaten up for this atrocity.

~Minny LinnEy

"Happy" is not quite the thing.

Internet,

There are several holidays each year that stymie me. Don't get me wrong - I understand their purpose. I guess I should say it's the greeting that stymies me.

It always seems wrong to say "Happy" before certain holidays. "Happy Veterans Day!" (with or without the exclamation point?) comes to mind. I understand its purpose - remember our veterans, thank them for their service to our country, and pray we can continue to enjoy the freedoms that we so often take for granted. But "Happy"?

Similarly, though I do hope everyone who gets the day off today enjoys not being at work, I don't think that "Happy MLK Day!" really fits the bill, either. I hope we all remember who Martin Luther King, Jr., was and what he did for this country, and pray we have a better future ahead of us with less racism and more belief in our common bond as human beings - to me, we are all humans created equally in God's image. But "Happy"?

I'm not really sure that fits. In both cases (and some others, too - Memorial Day, for example), I am very happy to have freedom, and happy that others have stood up for their beliefs, and happy I live in this great country, but it also seems somewhat somber as something that should be a day of remembrance for people's sacrifices, and acknowledgement that there is still strife and sin in the world, and reflection on ways each of us can change for the better.

Whatever the word (whether it be noun or verb) - happy, remember, honor, memorialize, hopeful - I pray it is a day of thoughtful reflection for you in the same way it has been for me this weekend.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

I must inform you that Alma is NOT Charley's Aunt, but both are quite nice.

Hello, Internet.

It's a new year, yet I seem to be doing some of the same old stuff - going to the theater, visiting a new restaurant...some things will never change (I hope!). And yet some things are new right now, and my life has been a tad on the stressed side. So it was with great pleasure I had some time yesterday to pursue something at a more leisurely pace and cast away my cares for a few short hours.

If you haven't yet seen Charley's Aunt at the Guthrie, you should. Probably the best play I've seen there in the past year, and it was complete comedic relief I found most enjoyable. I've decided we really must incorporate the term "boiled owl" into common usage in this country. It is so much more hilariously genteel than calling a person an idiot. It is hereby my goal to turn "boiled owlism" into a synonym for "idiocy." You may help me purvey this desire to the world, Internet.

And coupled with that comedic play was a dinner out with friends at Restaurant Alma. I thoroughly enjoyed the beets, the squash ravioli, the spiked chocolate cake, all of it right down to the bite-sized vanilla mint meringue as we parted the place. So much deliciousness. And yet, I believe I still prefer Sanctuary, so if you are interested in spending a small fortune to dine on most excellent cuisine in the near future, keep that in mind.

And now, back to the real world. Wish me well, please, Internet.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Merry Christmas!

Out of the orient, crystal skies

A blazing star did shine,

Showing the place where poorly lies

A blessed Babe divine.

This shining star three kings did guide

Even from the farthest East,

To Bethlehem where it betide

This blessed Babe did rest.

[He was] Born of a maid of royal blood

Who Mary didst called by name,

A sacred rose which once did bud

By grace of heavenly flame.

And for the joy of His great birth

A thousand angels sing:

"Glory and peace unto the earth

Where born is this heavenly King!"

Lyrics: English Traditional, circa 1613

Listen to a sample of the most excellent Richard Zgovada composition/arrangement here (see #18), or check out a fairly decent live recording of it here:

Out of the Orient Crystal Skies

Extra verses I found that aren't in the popular Zgovada version but are floating around out there:

Laid in a silly manger poor,

Betwixt an ox and ass,

Whom these three kings did all adore

As God's high pleasure was.

The shepherds dwelling thee about,

Where they this news did know,

Came singing all even in a rout,

"Falantidingdido, falantidingdido, falantidingdido!"

[Side note: Google Translate can't tell me what "Falantidingdido" means, either, so I'm going to assume it's a made up word, à la Dr. Seuss (for the Middle Ages).]

Merry Christmas!

The Big Bang

Internet,

I got a haircut yesterday. I decided it was time for a change...possibly a big one. Well, I didn't go really big, just bang:

I got bangs! And also cut off about six inches. It feels strange so far, but I like it.

And then yesterday evening, I realized something. I have not had bangs in probably twenty years (possibly longer), and with this particular cut, I can kind of look like I did all of those years ago. It's a very strange feeling:

Now to see if I can handle them day after day after day. I will probably wear them as they were cut (picture 1 above) because I might revert to feeling nine years old if I wear them straight down...

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

SNL: An all new duets record

Internet,

I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in years. First of all, I usually have better things to do (like sleep or read or take out the garbage or, well, pretty much anything else). But on Saturday night, I was just home from playing a Christmas concert and was eating dinner at the time it came on, and I watched a bit of it. Mainly because of this sketch, which I have to admit I find completely hilarious:

Isn't this what we really think of all of those artists (or should I say "artists"?), anyway? Yes, yes it is.

I will admit to being a mite disappointed when it seemed like MB was a bit chemically inconvenienced from the ol' egg nog when he actually sang the regular guest band segments. But even though he appeared to have been drinking, he still has a nice voice and managed tolerably well.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

"Don't tell ME we don't have any money."

Oh, my goodness. Internet, there is a lot of stuff one can find to purchase on you. The following is a list of some of the most excellent examples I've found JUST TODAY(!):

Pre-Decorated Pull-Up Christmas Trees. I love this so much, I almost want to wear it as a dress. (Be sure to watch the video of how it works. Link courtesy of co-worker SW.)

The OCD Chef Cutting Board. Because I, you know, julienne carrots and such so often.

Camo Golf Balls. I really think they should make multiple versions of camo: traditional camouflage, sandtrap, and Blades o'Grass.

Predator vs. Prey Mittens. The only thing missing is the blood and gore.

Medieval Weapons Push Pins. No, seriously: I actually kinda like these.

(And the day's not even over yet! I can probably find some more useless trash if I really cared to.)

Merry Christmas [Shopping], Internet!

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

There's laziness. And then there's Forever Lazy.

Internet,

I will admit to you that I have often wondered why they don't make adult-sized footie pajamas. Wouldn't that warm fleece be delightful on a cold winter's night? And it would all be one piece, so my inherently lazy side could be indulged by being able to put on fewer items of clothing. And my childhood memories of footie pajamas are so delightfully nostalgic. I kept thinking I could really get into that.

But, oh, let me tell you: my opinion has changed. I have come to realize that there is a level to which no human being should go. Over the weekend, during a late-night viewing of something-or-other that was on TV, I saw this commercial advertising "Forever Lazy."

Here, watch it for yourself to get a firmer grasp on that to which I refer:

At first, I was intrigued. Were these the fabled adult footie pajamas? Wait, no. There is no footie part to this costume. And then it became weird in a way that reminded me of the pink bunny suit from A Christmas Story:

These people [speaking of the commercial's actors...I wonder how much they got paid to do this ad? I'd hope a lot, because they will be made fun of by their families and friends for The Rest Of Their Lives...and if they ever make it big in Hollywood, this ad will come out during one of those "Before You Knew Them" segments on some late-night talk show] were wearing them at all hours of the day and night, as if they were real clothes. With witnesses! It was as if these people were voluntarily inviting Flick himself into their homes to view them in bunny suits! Even I - lazy me - began to feel uncomfortable with the idea that these contraptions have gone beyond sweat pants into the northern, cold region version of the muumuu.

And then, somehow, it got even more bizarre as the creators of this product imagine real human beings will take their Forever Laz[ies] into the great outdoors. As I was listening to their claim that they will be "the talk of your next tailgate," I was thinking, "Why, yes! They WILL be the talk of your next tailgate [party]...because everyone who sees you wearing this thing will be talking about what an idiot you are!"

And then the icing on the cake was the, ahem, "tailgate," aka, the zippered hatch. No worries about having to use the stadium pal or other similar infomercial product with this thing! (Unless you really wanted to, of course. But my mind will explode with the mental idea that anyone could stoop to such levels of sloth, so I refuse to go there.)

I believe my nostalgic ideas of footie PJs should remain fond childhood memories. Because this? Is way worse than the snuggie. This *is* the slippery slope, Internet. I feel like putting on a suit (complete with pantyhose) just to make myself feel less slothful for having watched or contemplated this.

~Minny LinnEy

Playing [This Old] House

Internet,

My cousin and his wife bought a house. And then they gutted it. And now they're putting it back together. Only better, nicer, stronger, cleaner and less ugly. And while they've been doing it, my dad has been getting to play at contractor in his retirement.

Quite the stylish look you've got going there, Dad; the aunt and I had to do a fashion shoot to get photographic evidence of it

And I got a bit jealous. So, I went up there, too, and have now experienced a couple of days of playing at This Old House.

I love This Old House. I adore everything about it, to the point where I wish Tom was really some long-lost uncle of mine, Kevin was my neighbor, Roger owned the nursery and garden center up the street, and Richard himself would teach me to solder a few pipes or something. [I love how most of them - according to their bios - are still renovating their own houses. I wonder if it's like the cobbler's children going shoeless...Also, a large number of them are married to women named "Kathleen" and they all like boats or sailing - must be pre-req's to be on the show, I guess.]

So, anyway, you can imagine my joy at being given the chance to

• Destroy stuff with a Sawzall,
• Play with the most awesome toy of all: the magnetic sweeper (ok, maybe the Sawzall beats the magnet, but not by much)
• Learn that my cousin's wife and I - though completely inexperienced - stain rafters faster and more color-matched than my father and aunt (I'm sure it was just a fluke, Dad; you're definitely the woodworker, not me!),
• Pry nails out of ceiling lath without a ladder (with a crowbar and my height, it worked like a charm),
• Get in on the spray-foam insulation action (though cousin Mark had to do most of the heavy lifting on that one), and
• Wear a gas mask (everyone's doing it).

Quite the trend, I should say - such a statement they make

Although I still have not yet realized my dream of doing some pipe soldering (yes, really: learning to solder is on my bucket list...but considering it's kind of the only thing on my bucket list at the moment, I either need to *not* do it so I won't die soon, or add more items to my bucket list), I did get to experience a couple of This Old House dream days. As Mark puts it, this will be practice for when I do it myself. Ha! As if.

xoxo, Internet!

~Minny LinnEy

Curling: Yoga on the Rocks

Curling: it's harder than it looks, Internet. Let me tell you of its agonies and ecstasies.

First of all, let me explain that everything I know about curling comes from (in order) 1) the Simpsons, b) friends Amanda & Joel, and iii) watching it every four years during the Olympics.

I've heard it's terribly fun (see reason b above), so last month, a few friends and I decided to check out this curling thing. One friend bowed out, the one on the right in the picture above was jet-lagged (having just returned from Europe the day before), and then there are the two of us on the left (both six feet tall, with centers of gravity not all that close to earth...or so it felt on this particular evening).

We showed up for our three hour clinic, and as we did, I kept wondering how on earth this could take a full three hours. Let me tell you, Internet, the time flew. And furthermore? If they'd given us a quiz on all of the stuff they taught us in one short evening? I'd have failed. (I mean, look at wikipedia's glossary of terms, alone! See what I mean?)

First up: sweeping. That was probably the best it was ever going to get for me. Just like Marge Simpson, this was my shining moment (and possibly a lot of other people's best moments, also). We rocked that sweeping like nobody's business. (Never mind there weren't any actual rocks on the ice at this point. We just swept the ice and tried not to trip over our own - or anyone else's - feet.)

Second up: lunging. Before they even gave us any rocks to play with, they wanted us to begin working on our pose. Now, I can do a lunge on a regular surface in real life. I could even do one on the ice while we were just standing there watching the demonstration. But see, the thing you don't see on the 'lympics is that they have these special shoes. One of them is extremely slippery on the bottom. So to make up for the fact that none of us had these special shoes, our instructors then gave us these shoe-shaped pieces of plastic they call "sliders." They do exactly what you'd think: they make you slide. A lot. So imagine attempting to do a lunge or some sort of yoga warrior pose, on ice, as you push yourself off what they call a "hack" (similar to the push-off device you see in track events).

The whole point of practicing the lunge without the rock is that you are supposed to be able to completely balance yourself and get the motion down without the rock - because you don't want to put any of your weight on the rock. That's bad. You only want to use the tips of your fingers on the rock's handle, and then you want the motion you use to send it to be nice and fluid. So, no rocks at first. You step on your slider, put the broom on the ice with its handle shoved up in your armpit (to help you balance yourself), and then push off the hack, keeping your butt down as you lunge, holding your position until you come to a gentle stop before the line (imagining all the while that you've actually had a rock and knew what to do with it at the right time).

Essentially, I took this to mean that you are to push off in what you think might be something resembling a lunge, and then pray that you don't fall over. I didn't fall completely over at this point (as some did), but I couldn't seem to keep my right leg extended behind me. I dropped that right knee into the ice so hard and so often, I ended up with some major bruising on it (that finally went away a month later).

But let me tell you about one awesome thing (the biggest ecstasy, I suppose you could say) about curling! If you fall over, you're already icing your future bruises! So just stay there an extra few seconds (or minutes) and enjoy the nice, cold feeling that will help alleviate the swelling and discoloration.

Third up: the rock. So at this point - after lunging all over the place - they finally gave us rocks to throw. Again, the goal is to not put any of your weight on the rock, and you want to deliver it just right - spinning in the right direction, moving at the right speed, aiming for the correct spot. This is the point where, after I threw one passable rock, I then promptly started sacrificing my body to send better-delivered rocks. This meant more bruising, and much more falling all over the place. Plus, every time I lunged, I somehow managed to, halfway through my delivery, lose the slider, and it would go shooting three sheets over into another game (sorry!). I was getting marginally better with my aim and distance, but horribly worse with my lunging technique.

Anyway, we got to play a few ends, and before I knew it, our three hours was up. I would love to go back and play more, but you pretty much have to join up with a league, and a three-month commitment is a bit more than I can handle right now. But maybe someday...I mean, you have to know that (just like the Simpsons), this is my last shot at the Olympics! (um, never mind that our instructor - who competes on the world circuit - has been doing this since she was 12. There may still be hope for me yet! or not.)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Thankfulness

Internet,

I am grateful that I live where I can freely worship God. I am thankful I have a family who loves me and will always be there for me - and who I love and can support in return. I am grateful to have good friends - they are the family a person chooses (and they've chosen me back). I always have plenty to eat and drink, and God has always provided for me. I am thankful to have good health, a place to live, and a job that I love (yes, it's true: I do love my job). I am happy to have enough free time to pursue my interests, explore new things, experience plenty of adventure and travel to new places. I am thankful for all of these things and more...but today I also remind myself to be grateful more often and complain a lot less throughout the entire year.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy