Oh, we Finnish-Americans and our holidays.

I will not be celebrating this supposedly made-up Finnish-American holiday by wearing green or purple, by feasting or drinking, or by singing the holiday's corresponding Ode/Ballad. But I will be celebrating by wishing all of the Internet a very happy St. Urho Day!

Attn: Reader's Digest

Internet,

I know I am probably not Reader's Digest's usual demographic. But I love their magazine (even though they've gone completely insane with green-ness...and I'm not talking envy). Suffice it to say, though, I believe RD isn't even keeping up with the times of their normal old-people demographic.

The lovely RD people sent me a renewal notice, and instead of the now-normal verbiage of "place" or "affix" a stamp on the payment envelope, RD's says "paste." "Please Paste First Class Stamp Here."

Internet, never mind that people now pay a lot of bills online. I realize that their demographic still likes mail and stamps and they probably don't trust anything Al Gore may or may not have invented - mainly because RD tells them about all about the fraud that is rampant online and instills fear in them that their identities will be stolen the second they get on a computer - but I'm pretty sure that the old people haven't been actually licking stamps in, hmmm, probably a decade. So. Get with the times, RD. The United States Postal Service did when it got around to self-sticking stamps.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Old Person-in-Training

Attn: Minnesota Drivers

Dear Internet,

Why do Minnesota drivers not understand the difference between the concepts of "Merge" and "Yield"? Especially on this road? Although there is some overlap between the two concepts of merge and yield, the sign that is red and white? means that when I have the right of way and am going 45mph, you should probably not pull out in front of me. All three southbound entrances onto this road (besides the original entrance off Selby) have yield signs. Minnesota drivers should learn what that means, or if they once knew, review the drivers' manual DPS posts online for everyone's convenience. Mainly because I am tired of slamming on my brakes for you idiots, and I am really annoyed when you honk at me when it's your fault you do not understand that "yield" does not mean "merge," and that I cannot stop on a dime (especially in winter driving conditions...which we still have around here).

I'd greatly appreciate it if you would pass this along to the idiots, Internet.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Great news!

I didn't get sick last night.

(I know, Internet: you were just dying to know.)

I can't even remember what month it is any more.

Dear Internet,

I ate a carton of yogurt this morning that had expired on February 17th. I thought to myself, "Hmm, it's only a couple days old, so I'll be fine." It tasted fine. And then I realized it's March now and maybe I should go through the contents of my fridge a little more closely.

If I end up sick in the middle of the night, though, Internet, we'll know what to blame...'cause if I end up sick, it couldn't *POSSIBLY* be because I ate an entire box of Girl Scouts. Er, Girl Scout Cookies (made with Real Girl Scouts!). See, Internet, I know any potential sickness couldn't *possibly* be caused by a box of cookies, because last week I ate an entire box of Dulce de Leche cookies (made with real caramel!) (and Girl Scouts!) in one day, and that didn't make me sick. So how could the Thin Mints or Samoas do that, either? (They won't. I'm sure of it. Otherwise, I'll take mine back to the cute little Girl Scouts and say they broke their Guaranteed Satisfied promise.) (I just looked. Their boxes don't have a Guaranteed Satisfaction promise. What a con.)

In other news, Internet, that I am going to somehow make relate to the above...I went to True Thai for dinner on Saturday night with friend K. I inhaled a grain of rice, and ever since then, my lungs have been trying to cough it out. And then this morning I did a 20mn erg test at the club, and now I'm coughing even more. If I cough enough, I might gag, and maybe THAT'S what I can blame any potential sickness in the next 24 hours on. (I ate the leftovers for lunch today, and besides being deliciously spicy, I did almost inhale another grain of rice...and now I'm kind of disappointed my lungs aren't a matched set - each complete with one grain of rice inside!)

And in even other news, upon which I will force a link to any potential sickness...I'm kinda stressed out at work right now. On Friday night, I got all dizzy and headache-y and went to bed early, Internet (and by early, I mean early - I already try to go to bed at 9:30 most nights these days, so we're talking before that). On Saturday morning, I fell down some stairs when I seemed to forget that I was walking down them and simply forgot what I was doing on the last few. Any potential sickness in the next 24 hours is merely a delayed reaction to one or all of those things, I'm sure (never mind I was fine yesterday...but I am back at work today, and that's definitely a cause of many bad things, Guaranteed).

And now in other news that will make many people ill, I finished the latest Vince Flynn novel over the weekend. Well, Internet, it's not the finished-the-book part that will make most people ill. (Actually, the book is awesome, and I'm glad I finished it.) No, the part that might make other people ill (and it kinda turned my stomach, too) was the part in the novel where Stan Hurley takes a bite out of his captor's ear and proceeds to chew it like a potato chip (Vince's charming imagery, not mine). See? Now everyone else can be sick with me as we think about that lovely little visual (and audio, 'cause I'm sure there would be sounds with that). And now to make others sick, I don't even have to share my boxes of Tagalongs or Trefoils with anyone.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

What is the use of working for The Gubmint if I don't get federal holidays off?

Dear Internet,

Today is Presidents' Day. I am in favor of presidents. In fact, I quite like them. I would like to take today off to celebrate them. A lot of other people get the day off work. And you might think that I would get today off because it is a federal holiday and I work for the government. You would be wrong. Instead of spending an average of 11 minutes thinking about each and every single one of our 44 presidents (and that's assuming I only work 8 hours in a day), I will instead think about all 44 of them for about 11 minutes total (1/2 of which is the time it's taking me to write this post).

Similarly, what is the use of living in Minnesota if not for the purpose of having snow days? Other states have gotten snow days lately. I would like one, too, please. Sure, St. Paul only got 10.5 inches of snow in the last 24 hours (as of 7 this morning), but can't that be good enough? Other suburbs in the metro have gotten 15 or 16 inches of the stuff thus far. But no. Internet, the branch of government for which I work does not take snow days. We will meet in session today as regularly scheduled (once at 11, and another time jointly with the other body at 4:30 this afternoon...which blows that whole "only 11 minutes per president because a person normally works 8 hours" theory right out of the water, 'cause I sincerely doubt they'll wrap up quickly).

In other non-whiny news, Internet, I got to see my Boston cousin M this weekend, along with several other out-of-town family members. (We're blaming M for bringing snow with her...I don't think she's buying it, this being Minnesota and all.) My Uncle C celebrated his 80th birthday, and we "surprised" him, but imagine that, he got wind of the party through facebook. Nevertheless, it was fun, and I was completely entertained by the fact that because of his name, whoever filled out his birth records called him "daughter" of my grandparents.

I, being of the mind to pay attention to all things weather (ha! you know I jest, Internet...I never pay attention to weather because it is pointless! They're wrong half the time, and you can't do anything about it anyway, so why bother?), chose to run all errands on Saturday, specifically so that I could stay home all day yesterday. For example, I finally got my car washed on Saturday! Just in time for more snow, slush, and salty chemicals today. I also went to church with Boston cousin M on Saturday night, and then introduced her to Thai food (um, again? We're in Minnesota...how does that compute?) and that was nice.

So I was planning on working yesterday afternoon (because friends J & M, um, kidnapped? me and forced me to dinner on Friday night before I could finish my work...and then the three of us in turn kidnapped friend S and made her go with us, too...ok, it didn't really take too much coercion for either of us to attend). And I did get done the work that absolutely had to be completed yesterday.

But I also managed to read an entire book in about three hours on Sunday afternoon, The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Loved it. I didn't agree with everything the author said, but most of it I completely get. My mother had some of the same qualities, though not in precisely the same way. For example, my mother once heard and lived the idea that there has to be one mean parent when it comes to music lessons and practice. And I believe that's totally 100% true. (In fact, I'm now very grateful to have had one "mean" parent who forced me to practice my instruments, just as I'm very grateful that my other parent is now building me instruments that I wouldn't be able to play without the first.)

While the author had the same intentions that I think my parents did -- high expectations for your kids, belief that with hard work they can do anything, wasting talent is a shame, honoring your parents -- my parents did not express their expectations or morals in quite the same way as the author. The biggest thing that I think is missing from the way she describes the Chinese and Western methods of parenting is something that did not play a huge role in her own parenting style - faith. Although her children were raised Jewish because her husband is Jewish, it seemed that in her mind there was no marriage of parental expectations with what we are called to do by a higher authority (i.e., God). She spoke a great deal about self esteem and how Western parenting just doesn't get it - and I agree with a lot of what she said (such as the basic premise that Western parents worry too much about their kids' self esteem, and how coddling kids won't help; things like hard work and discipline will help their self esteem). And even though my parents were big on teaching my brother and me about hard work, they ultimately taught me that my self esteem comes from being created in the image of God. Period.

God has made me in His image and I am like every other human being in that respect (from those in the womb to the very elderly or infirm), I have been created for a specific purpose, and I am unique to Him - with unique talents and characteristics. And that is the foundation upon which to build the lessons of hard work, not wasting talent, and the like. I think by the end of the book she comes to understand that every kid is different (back to that whole unique thing), and I appreciate that, but I would disagree with the premise that the parent is the ultimate authority, and that shaming one's parents is pretty much the worst thing ever (not that shaming one's parents is in any way, shape or form acceptable. It is just not the worst. evil. ever.): We are created in God's image (and just happen to look and act like our parents), and we have a moral code He's given us by which we are to abide (and our parents are there to guide us) - and that moral code includes hard work, using our talents wisely, and respecting our parents. But if I do not follow through with those lessons, it is ultimately God I am dishonoring. And that is a worse evil than shaming my parents (though technically, in my own case, if I dishonored God, I would be simultaneously shaming my parents because they expect more from me).

And on that note, Internet, I'll get off my soap box (or snow pile, as the case may be today).

Happy Presidents' Day.

xoxo,

L

To my mom: Happy Birthday.

The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Just a hypothetical here, Internet.

If I attempted to rob a rich person, could I use "the governor did it" as an affirmative defense? See more here and here.

MN DFLers keep proposing new tax increases. Insane.

The Time Continuum and Twilight Zone That Is My Life.

Dear Internet,

Is my life getting stranger? I think so. Here is proof or further evidence or somesuch. You be the judge.

1. I went to the dentist today. My dentist's office gave me a pink rose for Valentine's Day. Who does that? (Well, my dentist is located in Edina. They're all cake eaters and the people there no doubt expect stuff like that, I guess. Ha!) Or maybe this dentist has just raised the bar for everyone, everywhere. Not exactly sure.

2. I got a "Valentine" from my dad. It's a chocolate Easter bunny. I'm really not sure what to say about that. Other than, will I get something patriotic for Easter? (I asked him, and no, it's not left over from last year and recently showed up somewhere in their house.)

3. I visited some friends over the weekend, and have decided I want to build one of these, just like she did, because of its great awesomeness and then possibly live in it (um, not just like her, 'cause as far as I'm aware, she's not living in it...and also not like her, 'cause I'd have to build mine some place other than my backyard, since I don't have one, and therefore it'd probably end up on the roof of my building):

Remember that Observatorium? It's back.

Internet,

Do you remember that post from a few days ago when I almost said I'd rather have the cold weather than the snow? I take it all back. I'm done with the cold. I'd rather have the snow and the potential for even more severe flooding as long as it gets somewhere above ten degrees sometime soon. (Don't remind me of this post in a couple months when it actually IS flooding around here.)

Have you ever driven through an automatic car wash? And you have to drive into it in just the right way to put your car on those handy little ramps for proper placement and to trigger the wash to start and all that? Well, that's what my garage is like. Oh, no. There's no car wash inside (though, convenient, anyone? It could be kind of nice...no, to answer your question, I still haven't washed my car), and since my garage stall isn't heated, all of the snow and ice from my tires has accumulated underneath them and frozen into solid ramps that I must drive up on every time I park my car. It's kind of like this, only imagine them made out of ice:

Welcome to the Observatorium.

Internet,

Did you know it's really awkward to get a bloody nose while you brush your teeth? It is. (No, Internet, I did NOT hit myself in the nose with my toothbrush.) (But it did kind of explain the funny feeling I had in my nose all of yesterday. "It" meaning the bloody nose, not the toothbrush.)

_____

I got a heart rate monitor for Christmas. I just started wearing it this week. It keeps me entertained during long erg workouts. Good thing I don't put much stock in the whole "traditional" maximum heart rate formula, 'cause I'm pretty sure I exceeded that on a regular basis this week. Instead, this article seems to make more sense (especially since I was hitting the 190ish mark during a test, yes, but a test that was not as difficult as the 2k or 6k tests).

_____

I was driven this week to quit reading a book - sure, the plot was silly, but that wasn't why I quit partway through. Oh, no. It was the editing job done by the publisher. I couldn't take the mistakes any more and gave up because the plot wasn't compelling enough to make me ignore such a clumsy hack job.

_____

I'm kind of in love with anything rosemary-mint scented. Or rosemary-juniper scented. But mainly the rosemary-mint. Also, with the exception of Clarisonic, apparently everything in my shower caddy must be green. Or something like that.

_____

The temperatures around here finally made it to the freezing mark this week. It felt downright hot. I had the windows and patio door open and everything. I did my spring cleaning and painted my toenails in preparation for flip flop weather. The problem with the warmer weather, though, is that every time the temps hit 20s or even the 32-degree mark, we get more snow. I hate to say it, but I don't want any more snow this year. The whole state is probably going to flood soon.

Anyway, you'd think with all this warmer weather, Internet, that I'd get my car washed. But I haven't. During the five minutes in the last few weeks when the weather has been above 0 degrees and it hasn't been snowing, the lines are unbearably long. Maybe someday. But in the meantime, the salt spray is the same color as my car's paint job. Just be warned, don't brush up against it anytime soon.

_____

I love the Super Bowl. Not because I've actually watched it in years because I play in an orchestra that rehearses on Sunday evenings and has the credo that the orchestra will only ever take the night off if the Vikings make it to the championship. Since that's not going to happen soon (alas), it hasn't been an issue for the orchestra conductor or manager. But this year I'm taking the second half of the season off, and let me tell you: Sunday nights feel so luxurious now! What is this sue-purr-boll you speak of, Internet? (Or in the past few weeks, what is this masterpiece theater I've stumbled upon?) Who knew these things existed?

Anyway, back to why I love the Super Bowl (which I am watching even as I type my observations to you, Internet, and make up dandy words like "observatorium"): It's the food. Grocery shopping for junk food is so much more fun when it's on sale (and you should know by now that I love me some good junk food). And it's on the super cheap right before the big game. So yes, I will eat those Cheetos and drink that Coke and eat that pizza and get that messy BBQ all over my shirt: all in the name of watching better TV commercials than are the norm for the rest of the year.

The only question is whom do I root for? I don't want the Steelers to win (blech), but the Pack, aka "No, Pack, No!" and the Head Cheese and the cheezewhizzers (my idea of a food representation of the Vikings killing the Packers)? I don't know if I can do that, Internet. That would be like voting Democrat - it goes against my nature and everything within my soul.

_____

And in other football news, this:

_____

I have a new tailor. They're awesome. Two master tailors on staff. Comparable prices with quicker turnaround. I love these guys. Never mind they don't really sell women's clothes. They do good work. And I am so over doing my own suit jacket alterations.

_____

(No, I will not tell you the name of the book I couldn't bear to finish. It doesn't deserve even that.)

_____

Where are the Girl Scouts? Or better, where are their cookies? (A, you know this is just for you and your daughter. When I think of those lovely samoas...thin mints...do-si-dos...tagalongs...where does one start?! With a box of each, I think. Call me.)

Obsession Comes in Many Forms