Your Idea of the Future is Bleak, Mr. Hitchings.

No offense, Mr. Hitchings, but I sincerely hope you're wrong. Here.

Or should I say No offense Mr Hitching's but I sincerely hope your wrong no well you asked for it

You say that, "The apostrophe is mainly a device for the eye, not the ear," but do you fail to realize that occasionally people read aloud? Or that it is, yes, possible to infer the writer's intention - but takes so much extra time for the brain to process? It is downright faster and more easily comprehensible to read something when it has been properly punctuated. And it thus makes me sad to read (or in my mind, hear) you write (say), "I am confident that [apostrophes] will either disappear or be reduced to little baubles of orthographic bling." No, Mr. Hitchings, I do not accept that (nor did your article and statements therein make me excited to read your forthcoming book, either).

If "you're" becomes "youre," why bother having the two different homonyms in the first place? "Your" and "you're" will quickly lead to the destruction of "their," "they're" and "there." And so on and so forth. And really: I'd rather not call people places (similar to why I'd rather not call chairmen inanimate objects). People are people, and things are things. Let's call them like they really are.

And while I'm at it...

"Idioms": Fishes, Suicidal Clams & Grasshopping

A German guy attempts (quite hilariously) to understand or just explain American idioms, games and the like.

"I already have the fish before I put in the barrel ... in my big bag of plastic ... that you have just made shoot of."

"Twitter-tweets" and "Seasonal a-ffect disorder, only the season is every day."

On "Insecting": "That is not a spider," it's a "Q-Tip" with "some sticks."

"Logik," "You are now origami swan," and a little TNT.

(The whole TNT part actually makes a lot of sense...the scissors can beat the dynamite by cutting off the lit fuse. I think this is the only version I will ever play again.)

Moral of the story? I think this Flula guy needs to get more sleep. Don't the Germans have idioms?

Another moment of "Huh?"

Internet,

Did you know that there is such a thing as a tuba concerto?! I didn't. Well, at least I didn't before our orchestra started rehearsing it...because we're playing it...during a Halloween Spooktacular concert series. Somehow it sounds more like an April Fools' joke or something Garrison Keillor would've thought up than something scary or ominous: Ralph Vaughan Williams wrote a tuba concerto. 'Cause of course, that's the first person who comes to mind when I think "tuba concerto."

But actually, it's grown on me quite a lot. Upon watching the clips below for the first time, I kept thinking "I don't have the hair to play the tuba." Also, "That tuba looks really heavy." My arms are too puny to play that instrument.

The first movement makes me glad I play the violin. The second movement sounds the most like Vaughan Williams to me (though all of the movements have his fingerprints on them), and I think I like it the most. The third movement sounds the most like a movie score to me. Also, the third movement is pretty fast, and I'm again glad I don't play the tuba. (Although the violin part is also fast and full of accidentals, so maybe I'm not glad I play the violin? And would just rather listen to the piece instead of playing it in any capacity.) Anyway, it's all kind of entertaining. I can't wait to actually perform the piece with our soloist.

To help you believe that it really does exist (yes, Virginia, like Santa Claus and those cute M&Ms), you can check it all out right here for your listening enjoyment, courtesy of them thar' youtubes and some pretty nifty musicians:

The Gaffigan Family Tree

Internet,

I went to see Jim Gaffigan on Friday evening with some excellent friendlies. As was expected, I laughed a lot. Now, as you will probably realize, I spend a lot of my time a) eating, b) exercising, and c) noting the hilarity that is regular life, so maybe I got a lot more out of his set than others might because it included making fun of a) eating, particularly at McD's, Domino's and Subway (and the mandatory Hot Pockets encore), b) gyms and working out, and c) expositing the hilarity that is regular life.

More thoughts on the aforementioned a), b) and c):

a) Did the Domino's ad buyers KNOW that Jim Gaffigan was going to be at the State Theater & would make fun of Domino's (and its customers), and then decide purposely to purchase that ad buy for the electronic billboard across the street as the show let out? 'Cause if so, that was genius. And the hilarity (and ab workout!) continued as we left the theater.

b) I kind of consider the whole evening an abdominal muscle workout, so I think that totally counts, right? (It's good that you agree with me, Internet, because I didn't work out the rest of the weekend.)

c) So after the show, I was leafing through the flyer that the Minnesota Orchestra sent me. And what should I have seen, you ask? Oh, that's right! James Gaffigan will be conducting a February concert series of Mussorgsky, Prokofiev and Tchaikovsky. I am almost tempted to purchase tix just to see if it's the alter ego of the comedian. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?! Combining one of my loves (music) with one of my pastimes (laughing). I could SO enjoy that.

(It's not the same guy. *sigh* Here's to dashed hopes. However, if you check out the picture of the classical conductor James Gaffigan, you probably will be much less disappointed. Also, that's a great program, so maybe I'll get tickets anyway.)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

Scandahoovians and Cooking

Internet,

If a person were to watch New Scandinavian Cooking with [insert name here], that person might get a few impressions. The first of which would be that there are absolutely no indoor kitchens in all of Scandinavia. And that Scandinavian cooks' entire list of main ingredients consists of white fish, dill or fennel, "the olive oil of the north" (i.e., heavy cream), and lingonberries.

I have to admit to being highly entertained by this PBS offering. I mean, where else in one short episode can you see a Norwegian guy 1) use an axe to cut dense, possibly too-nutritious bread (I mean, really? An axe? That might be a sign that it's too "healthy"), 2) milk a cow directly into a blender (apparently they don't have milk pails in Scandinavia, to go with their lack of indoor food prep space) in order to make a really fresh milk shake, and 3) pick whatever green thing that happens to be growing in the ground directly next to him at any given time to use as seasoning?

I would postulate that no where else could you possibly get all of this jam-packed into 27 stilted, unscripted minutes. And it is delightful. And I say this even though I don't think I'd particularly care to eat some of what they make. (I was, though, intrigued by what the Norwegian guy kept calling "caramel cheese." Must try this, whatever it is, exactly!) It's just that entertaining. Check it out, Internet.

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

2011 HotMiss

Internet,

I am not referring to hot cocoa when I say "HotMiss." I'm referring to the Head of the Mississippi, and rather than cold and/or rainy and/or windy as it has frequently been in past years, today was perfect: calm water (only a hint of a tailwind on the course), mid-70s for high temps this afternoon, sun. Gorgeous. And no need for hot cocoa at all.

4+ Boatmates before our race this morning: AR, KK, KG and SW

Anyway, I rowed my last officially sanctioned race of the season today at the HotMiss. Anything else from here on out is for funsies. I rowed only one race at the regatta today, and it was a doozy: a 4+ in the open women's category, and it was extremely fun. Here's why:

1. We had an amazing coxswain (the one who sat in the bow, steered a rock solid course, talked us through the race, and got us to give our best as a boat together). Without this first one, I don't think the other reasons listed below would've been as good (or seriously, they might not even have happened without KK, our awesome coxswain).

2. We were set (balanced, for you non-rowing types who are actually reading this).

3. We had run (the boat was moving more forward than not). The goal was to "pass our puddles" (get a boat length of distance out of each set of strokes), and we were doing that.

4. We were racing at a 26 (26 strokes per minute - that's kinda slow in some people's minds)!!! But we had such good rhythm, were so solid and strong, and were making up so much ground on other boats in our race at that rating, we stayed there.

5. And we won our event by over one minute.

(Our prize = a hat)

But most importantly:

6. We had fun. The whole point of this race (at least for me) was to go out on the water and have a good time. And we did that. It was such a great feeling to really row well with teammates who've been through the thick and the thin all summer with me, and come out on top together - and I think I can safely say that all of us in our 4+ had a blast.

JK and SW enjoying some sun after our race.

This is the other KK (not in our boat, unfortunately), and after her two races, she kept laying down everywhere we went. The ground, the back seat of my car, everywhere.

(That almost looks like a cane next to her hand. It's not. It's a bike handle.)

The day wasn't completely without event. Teammate MH hurt her shoulder and needed some TLC. In these pictures she's a) trying to stay warm with all of that ice in her hand and saran-wrapped to her shoulder under that shirt; and b) testing out Halloween costumes (hunchback of Notre Dame?). I hope MH is back to normal soon.

So, that is it, Internet. A great day.

(Only now I have to go to orchestra rehearsal tonight. Wish me luck!)

xoxo,

Minny LinnEy

A Day in the Life

Internet,

Sometimes, at the end of the day, I wonder what I've done all day long. Many times I don't think I've done much. Sometimes I can't remember at all. So to help myself with my old-aged-ness, I've decided to track one of my days. For example, yesterday.

7:29a Drag myself out of bed. (In an unusual twist this year - in contrast to the last four or five years - I will no longer be rowing in the mornings the last two months of the season, thereby allowing myself extra sleep. One would think extra sleep would mean I just jump out of bed, ready to take on the world. One would be wrong. It seems to be harder to drag myself out of bed after an extra two or three hours of sleep than if I drag myself out of bed before 5am when I'm not really awake enough to realize what I'm doing and how agonizing early mornings are.)

8:29a Leave for work. (Wonder who on earth all of these people are still on the freeway - they are all obviously late for work. Don't they know it starts at 8am? If they were on time, they wouldn't be in my way.)

8:39a Arrive at work, only nine minutes late (unlike those other people, who should've been at work by 8 o'clock, allowing me to arrive only seven minutes late instead of nine). (I'm on flex time through the end of October. I don't know how I'm going to get to work 39 minutes earlier on November 1st. See 7:29a above.)

8:39a Find only 1/4 cup of coffee left in the pot at work. Make more. (Wonder if it's worth getting up earlier in the morning to make it to work in time to not be the last person getting coffee each day. Quickly determine there's a whole fresh pot in front of me, and no longer care.)

8:41a Boot up computer, check email. Think about meeting I must attend that morning, and wonder how much prep I have to do for it. (Wonder, like every other time I've dealt with the meeting's subject, if orange is the correct color highlighter for the project. The subject is a criminal one, so I'm thinking orange = corrections = correct color. (At least, this is what the TV machine has told me: all people in prison either wear orange or black/white stripes. I don't think they make black/white striped highlighters.) Then I end up using a pink highlighter accidentally, and then wonder who even thinks about that kind of thing? and if I really am that OCD.)

8:41-10:25a I must have done something during this time, but one day later, I can no longer remember what that is. I'm pretty sure it involved pink highlighters, because I showed up at the meeting with pink highlighted documents instead of orange, even though orange = corrections = correct color highlighter.

10:30a Attend meeting. Discuss a subject that I now discuss every. single. day. with some of the same people. Feel extremely bureaucratic as we discuss how to properly discuss said subject. Discuss how to plan meetings to discuss said subject with other people who must be brought into the discussion. Discuss whether we can actually get said subject into shape and if it's feasible to get a working product done by...well, done by sometime. Sooner rather than later, I guess. Throw out dates and ideas and such.

11:48a Talk to a co-worker about another issue that came up this week. Decide to research and discuss that one more thoroughly tomorrow.

11:50a Eat lunch. (This is late for me. Usually lunch is at 11. 11:30 at the latest. This allows for maximizing the time for a proper two-lunch approach: one at 11, another at 2, and arrive home just in time for dinner. My day has been totally shot as I realize I never ate breakfast, and now lunch is late. Figure I probably am kind of OCD.)

11:55a Realize that you can, indeed, make grapes taste way better (and I already like the taste of grapes) by liberally coating them in a cool whip/sour cream/brown sugar mixture.

12:22p Contemplate the morning's criminal subject. Feel slightly overwhelmed.

12:23p Wish that orange highlighter policy subject wasn't in my research area.

12:24p Work some more on that. (The subject itself. I don't think I can get rid of the subject being in my research area.)

2:00(ish)p Take a break from all that contemplation and orange v. pink highlighter business. Eat a Snickers because that lunchtime "dessert" (grapes smothered in cool whip/sour cream/brown sugar combo) really can count as a "salad." 'Cause that's how we Minnesotans roll. (Some of us literally.)

2:20p Consult with co-worker. Encourage her to go home for a) her health, b) her sanity (are they not the same thing?), and c) our own health and sanity. (She does not go home...but I must confess, her not going home really doesn't affect my own sanity, really.)

3:12p Consult with co-worker. Encourage her to go home (again). (She eventually does.)

3:37p Computer crashes. (This is an almost daily occurrence, and it's generally at approximately the same time of day...I should probably call our IT dept, but don't, because then they would force me to upgrade to a new operating system that I was supposed to have converted to last fall, only have somehow managed to escape that up 'til now. It has almost become a game: how long can I get away with operating the old system before they catch up to me? Please don't tell on me, Internet.)

3:43p I've learned how to reboot quickly, and am back online.

4:29p Realize everyone else is going home now, and I can probably leave, too. Except I was 9 minutes late, and I'm not quite done with the work I had in progress (trying to find the end of the internet), so I stay a few extra minutes.

4:40p Wonder if I will ever get to leave the parking lot because the road construction in the area is causing traffic jams all up in my exit strategy.

4:48p Ponder why the guy in front of me is not going the speed limit when there are no obstructions or cars in front of him.

4:49p Am going slowly enough to stare with awe at the beautiful maple trees and their (turning) red leaves. It's definitely fall.

4:52p Stop for gas. (Think to myself, "Wow! $3.49 a gallon is a bargain! Yesterday it was $3.54..." and realize how sad that sounds. In pretty much every context.)

4:59p Arrive home.

5:02p Consider practicing my violin. Realize that my thumb still hurts from hitting it while docking during rowing practice on Monday night. Properly use readily available excuse to not practice. Figure maybe I can stretch that excuse out the rest of the week.

5:03p Watch an episode of the Simpsons. (Which I then used this morning at work. Sadly. Or not so sadly. Using Flanders-isms causes others to use them, too, which can be quite entertaining.)

5:30p Eat "dinner." ("Dinner" because it was just chips and salsa, and some ice cream. I don't know if that counts as "dinner.")

6:02p Brush teeth.

6:05p Realize I can stop wandering around in the kitchen and living room with the toothbrush still in my mouth. Stop brushing teeth; rinse. (Rinse in the bathroom, not the kitchen. Or living room.)

6:07p Gather stuff, leave for Bible study.

6:12p Realize there is really no traffic to be found.

6:31p Arrive at church for Bible study 14 minutes early. This so rarely happens, I don't know what to do with the extra 14 minutes. Send some text messages to people. (And then it dawns on me that if they text me back, my phone will vibrate throughout the entire Bible study, which is true, and it does. And I very properly and good-manner-ly-like ignore all of them...and just now realize a day later that I never really read or responded to any of them.)

6:45p Start new Bible study for the fall. Meet some nice people, eat some good cookies and pineapple (oooh, I wonder if you could make pineapple cookies?!), and drink tea (herbal, of course; it's after 5p, and I'm an old lady now).

8:56p Leave study, head for home.

8:59p Get stuck in traffic. Traffic is worse going home. Road construction. Apparently MnDOT has just changed the traffic pattern on the freeway, because everyone is slamming on their brakes, trying to merge, and traffic cones are flying everywhere.

9:09p Call my mom to talk. Talk talk talk. Dad wants to talk to me also. Talk talk talk. Good talk. Hang up.

9:27p Having arrived home, I wander around, wonder if I can eat "dinner" again. Decide that yes, this is an excellent idea because - as mentioned above - I never ate breakfast, I didn't eat a second lunch, and technically dinner was more like a snack with some dessert. Heat and eat some fake garlic bread. (This probably still doesn't count as "dinner," either, but whatever.)

10:02p Consider going to bed. Realize I don't have to wake up at 4:45am the next day (see 7:29a above), discover that I'm not totally wiped out because I slept in that morning (7:29a), and opt to look over new Bible study and lesson for next week instead.

10:09p Decide to listen to some music during study.

10:33p Hit replay on song "Call It What You Want," and realize my favorite line is "Who cares?" Indeed. Who does care?

10:57p Phone rings. Most people do not call me at this hour. Wonder who it is. It is Attorney O'Dell, calling me from California. Haven't talked to Atty O'Dell in a long, long, long time. He asks me if it's midnight where I am (it is not), and after congratulating him on his recent nuptials, we chat for a while. I sadly let him know that I only just received an announcement and summons related to the wedding (in true fashion, mail sent to my work moves very, very slowly through the bowels of the system...), and won't be visiting California in the super near future to meet his bride. Continue chatting. Think maybe I should visit California again sometime soon (but probably not next weekend).

11:10p End chat. Put things away so as to find bed. Brush teeth again. Realize it's probably not even going to be in the 40s tonight, so open window wider (perfect sleeping weather, those 50s!).

11:21p Pick up book. Reading Hugh Laurie's novel. (So far at 30 pages into it, I can't figure out if I should hear his Bertie Wooster voice in my head or his Gregory House voice whilst I read the narration. All I know is that the language in the book - but probably not the storyline itself - is more mature than either BBC or Fox audiences could handle.)

11:49p Turn out light. Instantly fall asleep.

My sport is going mainstream.

Advertising. Complete with guinea pigs.

Stickmen

How to waste five minutes online: interactive stories. I am a terrible drawer, Internet. But I am easily amused.

Well, duh.

I recently read this piece in your version of the NYTimes, Internet.

It's definitely mind over matter! (I mean, isn't that why the saying is "mind over matter" in the first place?)

And it's not just sports: I remember my violin teacher used to tell me that it wasn't that my fingers weren't physically fast enough to play a particular passage; it was usually that my brain was slowing down my fingers. If I just did it without thinking so much, I could usually play faster than I had previously. (And she was right.)

When I'm out rowing or biking or running or doing anything athletically challenging (but usually rowing, since that's what I actually push myself at), it's almost always a matter of getting my mind to cave in to what I want my body to do. Sure there are times when the body is tired, but not nearly as often as I allow, and probably not nearly to the degree I believe myself to be tired.

It also explains how it is so much easier to push myself to get better when I have competition (and also explains to me how it is so much easier to push myself on the water when I'm facing other real people in actual boats on existent water in live races).

In other news...

...I guess I'm just a little bit ... [I don't even know what word should fit here] ... about this:

North Korea is seeking to expand its tourism with cruises.

Most obvious: "We admit that we have a lot of shortcomings to overcome."

Not really comforting: "You're in North Korea here...You're completely safe. The North Korean military is protecting you."

If you can't find a job in the U.S., never fear - there is hope for you: the cruiseline can "even hire Americans.”

Whilst on board, you can get a history lesson: “In 1950, there was a war, the Korean War, started by the United States.”

In the running for advertising slogans are:

1. "Now we’re in a military zone; if you stay behind, you get shot"

2. "It’s like the Titanic"

3. “Of course, North Korea can’t rival tropical Cuba as a tourist destination"

So book your tour now! You, too, can enjoy "cramped cabins, cut-rate cuisine and foul, water-deprived bathrooms" and save $$$ by sharing a cabin with 8 new friends.

Japan: Six Months Later

Courtesy of the Atlantic, you can see some incredible before and six-months-after photos of the tsunami-hit areas of Japan here (click on the pictures for the after shots). Quite incredible, really.